Thursday, February 24, 2011

10 things you don't say to a new/first time mom.

So there are so many lists, what not to say to a pregnant women, what not to say to women TTC with IF.
Well ladies, I give you "what not to say/do to a new/first time mom"

1. "Sleep when the baby sleeps."
- Ok, for the first however long your husband/partner has off after the baby, this advice is great. For after, come on. When the baby is sleeping, I have a house to clean, dishes to do, do you have any idea how much laundry a baby goes thru a day not to mention my husbands, dogs to feed, floor to vaccum, meals to plan {prego mamas: DO THIS, it will save time & help your budget} bottles to clean, have I had time to go to the bathroom? have I brushed my teeth today? I should probably eat today. Yeah, no I will not be sleeping when the baby sleeps. Unless you have a nanny, if you do. High-five to you!

2. "Just wait..."
- Nope I don't want to wait, my parenting is different then yours & our children are different. I can't tell you enough how much I hate any sentence that starts with those two words. I know, I know I've ranted about this before, but its annoying!

3. "OMG, you do that?'
- This normally follows after you say the way you do something most the time it has to do with attachment parenting. I usually get it after I talk about co-sleeping, or Kennedy not being able to watch T.V til she is 2. This erks the crap out of me! Personally I love to hear about different parenting styles, it may not be the style for me but I'm not gonna judge you for it.

4. Do us all a favor, & if all the pink or blue things on a child do not give away their gender, do not guess. Or after we tell you the gender don't tell how much our child looks doesn't look like it. It's rude.

5. Please do not put your "i have no clue where they have been" hands all over my child or in one of my cases kiss my child if I do not know you. It's freakin weird & I don't want your germs.

6. Breastfeed vs formula.
- Ok, I'm pretty sure we no the benefits.  But not everyone can. Don't make a mother feel bad. They already probably feel bad themselves. I recently read "formula isn't the devil, & breast-milk won't make your baby fly". As long as your baby is getting the nutrient he/she needs, don't judge.

7. "My baby was doing {insert milestone} wayy before that at {insert age younger than your childs}
- ALL BABIES ARE DIFFERENT. I am genuinely happy your baby was sitting up 2 weeks {over exaggeration for effect} but my baby just isn't there yet. Don't make other feel like they are doing something wrong.

8. Are you going to get rid of the dogs now that the baby is here?  {You may have heard this more when you were pregnant.}
- Nope, I am not. I don't know where you grew up, but most people I grew up with ,had dogs.

9. "you already took her out & she is only {insert age}"
- Yes I did. It's not like I'm taking her out in a onesie her to grandmas when its cold outside. I think if dress appropriately why not take your baby out, sometimes people need to go to the store people. I know its crazy.

10."is that normal? {insert a corky thing your child does}
- Yup, I guess my child is just a freak & makes funky noises but thanks for looking at her as if she has 5 heads.

What would you add to the list?

major slippage! can we get a vote?
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  1. Love them all!

    my 7 week old loves to sleep on his tummy because it relieves gas pains. I swear I am going to get stoned everytime I get asked about it..

  2. Sooo good. Love this post.

    Any type of comparing in a competitive way just pisses me off! Rah. haha.

  3. I love this list! One question I hate is "Do you like being a mom?" Really People?!?

  4. i HATE when people ask about our dog... he isn't a monster and just because he knows how to jump does not mean that he is going to jump into the crib with the baby in it (that is my dad's biggest concern). i love this list! :)

  5. What a great list. I'd have to add:
    When grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc {ANYone who has had a child} tries to tell you what your baby wants/does not want. Such as- my stepmother grabbing my son 10 minutes after he just ate, wielding another 2 oz bottle, and cooing "You just wants to eat, don't you? You're so hungryyy! Grandma knows what you want."
    Um... no. He's my baby and I think I know him better than you do.
    PS- right after she did that, he ate a tiny bit of the bottle and then spit up ALL OVER her. :D victory!!

  6. What not to say to a new mom...pretty much everything that came out of my MILs mouth. She knew THE RIGHT WAY to do everything. My favorite was when she insisted I could and should potty train my 6 month old! My baby is now 8 and I still get told all the things I am doing wrong with this 'new-fangled American child-rearing'

  7. I love all of these, especially 8.

    Uhm...where I come from dogs are a responsibilty you take on the moment you adopt them for the rest of their lives.

  8. One big fat AMEN. :) Especially 1, 2, 5 & 6!

  9. Hats off sista! What a great list. Everybody seems to think that everybody else needs to hear their opinion (read: expertise) in any given area! It drives me nuts! There is NO instruction manual (other than the Bible) to being a parent, so I don't know why so many think they have the coveted answers. It's trial and error, people!! Live and learn. Not everything works for every kiddo...just have more than 1 baby, and you'll figure that out pretty quickly!!

  10. Amen! I think you just became me best friend :)

    I hate when people tell me that I need to start puttng away everything in my house that baby might be able to reach. So basically I need to live in a padded room. No thanks. It's called teaching them to stay away from crap thank you very much!

  11. oh....and I also hate it when people tell me that when people have baby number 2, you are over documenting everything and it's just not as exciting. that with the the second child is just like "oh well..."
    well...i hope those people only had one child

  12. Such a great list, agree with every one. (Seriously-the gender thing! My baby rarely goes without a little bow stuck to her head and one little old man asked if it was a boy or a girl! Oy! :) Sweet little old man.)

    I think the thing that annoys me most is when people try to give advice or opinions on your parenting. Every single parent knows what works and doesn't work for their baby and every parent tries to make the best decisions and it does everyone a disservice to pass judgement on those decisions.

    This hit me smack dab in the face when Wren was about 2 weeks old and very snuffly and was constantly comfort nursing. For some reason, I was so opposed to using a paci but the doctor said I needed to go buy one and it would help both the snuffly nose and the comfort nursing. We've gotten so many comments about how they're germ magnets, or they'll ruin her teeth, etc. Every time, I just have to say, "We're just following doctor's orders!" Since we started using them, I have vowed to make a concerted effort to never judge the decisions that a parent is making for their child...because you have to trust that they are making the best decision for their family, for their baby, etc.

    Same goes for our decisions to nurse, cloth diaper, only use homemade baby food (when the time comes)...everyone has an opinion. I just really try to show that it's the decision we make for our family but we don't expect others to make the same and that we don't judge them for their choices.

    Okay, long winded much? Guess your post got me riled up! :)

  13. My MIL was the worse, I have to admit. The first thing you dont say after giving a birth to a new mom is " your belly is so big, is there another baby coming soon?". Pretty disappointing... She basically was telling me what to do and giving me the advices that I don't need. One of her comments was: ".Don't boil the bottles, just rince them, she ( my baby girl) needs to get used to all bacterias". When she came to see my baby the second time, she was pretty sick and was coughing a lot. She was insisting to hold her, feed her and change her dippers. I could not believe that someone who is sick would come near a baby who is 22 days old and not to mention ask to take care of her. In addition, she told me that a c-section is nothing and that I didn't suffer enough! How somebody who has never had a c-section can provide any type of comments regarding that type of birth??? She was also insisting to bring the baby at her place and she is living far away from us:". Just bring me the baby and I don't need you guys"! How could you even think about taking care of a 2 months old when you live in a different city? You don't know the baby and evey baby is different! Lastly, it your MIL is not coming to see you while you're pregnant and if she is not helping out, that means that she doesn't give a sh't about you and all she cares is how to spoil and take your baby away from you! Anyway, that's my experience with my MIL!!!


shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)


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