public service announcement

12:18 PM
Please do not complain every freakin minute on facebook about how much pregnancy sucks, you want to drink so badly & "this kid better be worth it"

There is a BILLION people that would love to be having back pain & not drinking for that very much worth it "kid".

I was kind of sad that after my post-op; I had the that kind of anger it came back to me oh so fast. I used to be so smug all of our time trying, & miscarrying. I would fume when my sister would come home from high-school &  say so-n-so got pregnant..on the pill. {god has a awful sense of humor}Or the one-hundredth person posted on their facebook, "Im pregnant". But then, I got to do it. I got to post that. Which so many other people have not.

Tell me, how can the anger come back so fast? I am so thankful for my little miracle, but why now does that anger come back to me so freakin fast? It was like "you may not be able to carry another pregnancy" BOOM, anger. I am not a angry person.  & so what I may not be able to carry another, I have a baby already. So why can't I be happy for these "opps I'm pregnant" people?

A baby planned or not, is a gift. & I shouldn't sit here & be angry about it.

I guess they aren't kidding that infertility stays with you forever, even after a successful pregnancy. I think it goes without saying that the losses do.

& can anyone else let me know why there is a girl I know who smoked & drank her entire pregnancy, on top of other things, has unbelievably healthy children, & I didn't as much as drink a drop of caffeine for Christ sake & my baby is sitting next to me hook up to a machine?

Yes, I am a little but hostile today. But, from the happy optimistic person I usually am, I am aloud to be freakin mad at the gosh dang world one day a  year.

Rant over.
Have a wonderful day ;)

I tend to offend people with my once a year rants on here, sorry if I did. But I needed to vent!

frosty the family.

7:34 PM

In true tara fashion; yes my Kennedy snowman had a big flower! ;)

weekend Kennedy update:
we had 3 alarms on friday :(

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kennedy update

10:36 PM

We had 3 alarms yesterday morning.
& 1 this morning.

I don't know if maybe after sleeping for so long it is hard for her to adjust to being up, or what it is.
But, depending on how you look at it, this is a good thing!

It really isn't bothering her to be hooked up to it.  I think it is harder for Brandon & I, to see her all hooked up to a machine. But, I am getting used to it & beginning to get a hang of getting around with it; & most of all not tripping on the freaking long cord while walking. UGH.

on a side note, dressing her with these stupid wires is so hard. Sleepers are the easiest, but if I use the zipper kind the wire comes out from the top & she just pulls on it. It all around just annoying.

27 days to go!

Again, I can not think all of you enough for the kind comments & emails! 
You really lift my spirits. 

we co-sleep.

6:52 PM
Yup, you heard it right. We co-sleep. I got this idea for this post from a fellow blogger.
I love my blog friends, because they don't look down on me for it. If I were to bring this up outside of the blog community, {those of whom co-sleep know about this} you get"the look", & the "I would NEVER do that" " that is so dangerous" "good luck getting her into her own bed". 
There is such a awful stigma against it.

Excuse me while I growl. :)

I no longer breastfeed {soft subject, I plan on posting about this when it is a less sensitive subject to me}
I start cloth diapering at home next month!
Here are some facts:
1. Co-sleeping Can Further Both Trust and Independence: Children who shared sleep with their parents are actually more independent than their solo sleeping peers.
2. Parents Are the Ultimate Security Blankets: Children feel more secure as a result of being close to their caregivers and children who co-sleep do not need replacement security figures.
3. Co-sleeping Can Have Positive Effects on Self-Esteem and Family Closeness: A little one welcomed into the family bed receives countless hours more tender snuggles, and more affection than if she were left alone to sleep.
4. Children Who Co-sleep May Be Easier to Get Along With and Better Adjusted Than Their Solo Sleeping Peers.
5. Everyone Sleeps Better: Scientific studies have shown that a family who sleeps together actually enters the different stages of sleep together almost simultaneously.

I love that Kennedy is right there when she needs me. I do not like the whole "let her cry it out" maybe when she is two & I know she is being stubborn, but at this age she is crying for a reason. Even if it is to be held, then obviously she needed to feel comforted, which does not make her "spoiled'. {double growl}
It also makes breastfeeding a lot easier.
& everyone DOES sleep better.

Fun Fact: In a large group of child who co-slept there were no thumb suckers.

To answer the question: How do you co-sleep? 
It is either in her bassinet right next to the bed, or in her boppy between Brandon & I.
 She is in her sleep-sac & not under the same blanket as us. We go back & fourth between the two.

Now, I don't plan on co-sleeping forever, I really want her to get use out of her adorable nursery that I planned forever for. But, I really think everyone thinks this is such a taboo subject. 
& those of whom do co-sleep, be proud!

Keep the votes coming!
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what im loving..

9:24 AM

I'm loving.. Kennedys Bunnies By The Bay Blanket, It is so soft she loves it.
I'm loving... that One Tree Hills is back on

I'm loving... My husband & Daughter more than ever & all their silliness

I'm loving... the Halo Sleep Sac. Kennedy didn't like it when she first came home, but she has been waking herself up with her arms going crazy so I thought I would try it again. & she loves it! Sleep so much longer! 

I'm loving... MAC Haute & Sexy Mascara.

I'm loving... That we had none of these last night! Yay for no alarms! We are still at a total of 3!

I'm loving... ALL OF YOU. all of the emails & comments concerning Kennedy has been great THANK YOU ALL for all of your kind, sweet words. YOU GUYS ROCK!

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1/29 *updated*

7:09 AM
First night down
no alarms
she stopped breathing but not long enough to sound an alarm
{this is great news}
the alarm goes of after 20 seconds
which seems wayyyyyyyyyyyy to long to me. 

1 night down 29 to go
keep the prayers comin!

 By the way Kennedy is 10 weeks today! We are now in double digits! She growing so big right before my eyes!

as of 8:45 this morning & the hour past we are up to 3 alarms.

Tuesdays at the Table

6:51 AM


4 tilapia fillets
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon Creole seasoning, or to taste

3 tablespoons butter
2 cloves garlic, minced- i have the squeeze garlic which is equivalent to 1 tsp!
1 cup Alfredo sauce

-Preheat an oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
Brush the tilapia fillets with oil on both sides, season with Creole seasoning to taste, then place into a 9x13-inch baking dish.

-Bake in the preheated oven until the flesh is no longer translucent, and the fish flakes easily with a fork, about 10 minutes.

-Meanwhile, melt the butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the garlic, and cook until the garlic has softened and the aroma has mellowed, about 2 minutes. 
-Stir in the Alfredo sauce and bring to a simmer. Reduce the heat to low, and keep warm until the fish is ready. 

-Pour the sauce over the fish to serve. Sprinkle with additional Creole seasoning if you want it real spicy!

no words.

8:51 PM

not what i expected.

6:08 PM
Well, we went to the dr today for Kennedy's toe like I mentioned in my last post.

I dont know if you can see but it is the left big toe.

I had a few other things I wanted to talk to him about, that I didn't want to wait til the 2nd for her wellness exam.
 So the exam starts, first she is weighed a whooping 12lbs 7 oz! 
He looked are her little piggy, says we need a ointment  to put on it for 4-6 weeks & let the nail grow out then file it, not cut.

still happy even at her appt.

Then I ask about her breathing, at her last wellness, I asked the nurse if the gasping noise she was making was ok/normal. She said yes & it was just her getting stardelled.

But, then about 2 or so week ago it started she would stop breathing, mostly a few min into sleep but also when awake, but I chalked it up to being stardelled. Why I haven't mentioned it? I was in denial. NOTHING can be wrong with my baby...or so I told my self.

So, I brought it up very non-chalant me thinking he would say it was no big deal. WRONG. She did it in front of him. & he was very concerned. 

To cut to the chase, Kennedy gets her apnea monitor {she going to hate to be hooked up to anything} this evening when home healthcare comes to the house & will explain the get up & what to do ect.

If it isn't apnea then it will be Sandift Syndrome ultimately this is the diagnosis we want, well we don't want either but we have no choice. At least in my eyes. To sum up Sandift for you it is when reflux keeps her from breathing. & can be corrected with some zantax & sleeping upright-ish. & apnea there isn't really a medication to help. & infant apnea can be very scary.

This is all very frightening, her dr ended the appt asking if I knew Infant CPR, which I do I have been a Pre-K teacher in previous years. But, thought of using it...on my child? Terrifying.

"mom, that dr's hands are wayy to cold"

The only thing about all of these is she is stopping breathing, & the "episodes" are getting longer. Which is extremely scary. I have been a wreck, nothing is supposed to happen to my baby :(

Hopefully this monitor will give the dr some insight onto what is going on so we can rule out one or the other, or if not either go on for further testing so we know what is going on with my bug.

& the thing is the past two nights, I have told Brandon I just had a "feeling' something wasn't right with her breathing, I didn't know what but I kept checking her a thousand times the last 2 nights. I guess god gives us mommas these intuitions for a reason.


7:27 PM
I don't know if it just because I struggled with IF & ML so you mommaS that had no problems with conceiving will have to clue me in on this; BUT..

does it ERK anyone when people say, "just wait until there two you will be asking people to take her" or "you will be giving her away here soon" or "just wait until they start crawling, you won't want them all the time then"

I understand mommas need breaks & there is nothing wrong with that; but why is it such a crime in todays world to WANT to spend time with your child?

& I TRY to do things as natural as possible & im also not allowing her to watch TV till she is 2 because of some studies I have seen, I will allow her the occasional disney movie though, & the typical "well I did it & I turned out ok." when it comes to doing things naturally or my ways of parenting!

ok, rant over.

I mean who wouldn't want to be around this 24/7!?! :)

Also, Kennedy has a ingrown toenail that litterly happened overnight; how is this possible? I trim them ever week if not more.

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i pledge handmade.

6:42 PM
While I know getting all things handmade will be difficult, but I am going to make a conscious effort to get more things handmade. & its becoming increasingly popular due to Etsy & so fourth.

So in lieu of this pledge I am going to put a Etsy spotlight on Made with Sugar.
Christina is the owner, & boy does she love what she does! Each of her things you can tell she put so much effort in each detail! 

My fav thing.. well I have two:

For all you Nook, Kindle & E-Reader gals out there, this is for you!!

adorable right?!?
& for all of us up north:
oh & mommas guess what? she has them for your daughter too!

So head on over to her Etsy
& grab one of these awesome handmade goodies
& take the pledge for handmade here

Also, Christina is expecting! & started a baby blog!

gel vs tablets

6:08 PM
Today, is my first encounter that my baby-girl has been fussy. She never cries, well rarely. But today, after 2 weeks of teething; it is finally getting to her!  It's her two fangs.
breaks your heart doesn't it :(

So my question is, teething gel or tablets? I refused to use Orajel but have considered the natural kind & heard raving reviews on Hylands teething tablets?

The dr suggested giving half a dose of infant tylenol when she first  started teething a few weeks ago. But I rather not give her meds, & go a more natural route!  I'm open for suggestions on what to do? & I will try & let you know the result!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


9:42 PM
Welcome ICLW'ers!
It's hard to believe the last time I did ICLW, was when I had JUST found out I was pregnant & TERRIFIED of another loss!
& here I am with a 8 week old daughter!

If your new here I will do a little catch up, I am proud to say that after three pregnancies, Kennedy {commonly referred to on here as bug,buggy} our true miracle is finally here. It was a long tough road to get her here, but holding her in our arms makes all that pain & heart-ache so worth it, the giggles & smiles help too ;) So if you did the math there. I have had two miscarriages (5/09 & 10/09).

Now, I am dealing with the fact the chance of another child maybe impossible. While, I am so grateful for my miracle & as much as everyone says "you had one miracle, it can happen again" I am having a hard-time dealing with that reality & hard decision to try again, knowing it may result in miscarriage.

So this blog is ramblings of me still grieving my angel babies,my miracle baby & all the new wonderful happenings of motherhood, my awesome marriage to my almost perfect husband {brandon} & all sorts of goodies in-between!

So, pull up a chair, & stay awhile. The tabs above can also catch you up on all the happenings! :)

& yes I posted this the night before, but I have full intentions in sleeping in tomorrow since that has been what we have done all week. Even though it harder for me to sleep in then bug, she sucha lazy butt!

while your here, go ahead & vote if you like what you read! thank you! :)

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paci 101 - part two

4:21 PM
Well after trying a billion different binkys: Parents Choice,Nuk,Avent, & MAM

We narrowed it down to two which she didn't instantly refuse.

In the end, Avent ended up being the winner. I don't know if it is the little rougher part on the MAM that she didn't like but she wouldn't keep it in for more than a few seconds. Which stinks because they are so cute with their designs. But, I guess looks isn't what it's all about ;)
I guess it makes sense that she would like the Avent ones, beings that is what her bottles are but it didn't occur to me til after we had tried all the other ones!

so what wednesday

11:44 AM


This week I'm saying so what to..

  • I wear my husbands clothes to bed, & around the house more then my own
  • if i start thinking about lunch at 930
  • when people ask me for my awesome recipes, on the card i give them under the "from the kitchen of" i put my name instead of giving credit to "the nest" magazine
  • if I watched teen mom last night, & personally wanted to kill one of them
  • if i press "0" every time to get to a real human even if i heard "3" was the option for me
  • i ignore friend requests from that girl from high school, then when you run into them say 'hmm i never got one' :p
  • that I will cry during the last episode of Oprah
  • if i truly believe big sunglasses hide my non-make face from the world
  • if my yoga pants have become so all-purpose, I should just call them pants
  • if I put on heels when we get there, im not trying to be anyones hero
  • if im in complete denial my daughter is about 2 days away from being out of newborn onesies :(
What are you saying so what to?

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Cheesy Meatball Soup

11:16 AM
I get lots of email about me being a SAHM, how I save $, & lots about cooking!
So, I'm going to start sharing some recipes with ya'll! Because well us women have to stick together & need easy quick meals right?

So this is a great alternative to chili during the winter!


1 egg
1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 pound ground beef
2 cups water
1 cup diced celery
1 cup whole kernel corn, drained
1 cup potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 cup sliced carrot - {i use frozen veggies}
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 beef bouillon cubes
1/2 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
1 (16 ounce) jar process cheese sauce- i use queso cheese, it gives it a kick!


In a bowl, combine egg, bread crumbs and salt. Crumble beef over mixture and mix well. Shape into 1-in. balls. In a large saucepan, brown meatballs; drain.

Add the water, celery, corn, potatoes, carrot, onion, bouillon and hot sauce; stir in cheese.
i know this looks totally gross.
Let sit in the crock-pot for a hour or so. or on low all day @ work ect. & YUMM! dig in!

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