1:19 AM

I hate not writing, I love writing so much & hate taking such big absences. But with two babies it makes it next to impossible.

I've been sitting here tonight with constant tears downing my face & I needed to do something..anything & something that always helped me was writing.

For those that don't know over a month ago my Aunt was put in the hospital for what ended up being pneumonia & a collapsed lung while she was there; on my & brandons anniversary which happens to also be my Aunt & Uncles anniversary my uncle fell 2 stories landing on his head....
...before I go on let me talk about my aunt & uncle.

As I just wrote that even while crying I can't help but smile.If you ask me to say one good thing about them, I couldn't there are SO many. I really don't know how I can put how I feel about them into words, but I am going to try.

I grew up going to their house all the time. Most weekends & every summer. It was always the highlight of my little girl selves life. There was always a few things I could always count on when I was there: lots of swimming in the pond with Heather, bonfires that included singing hymns, sundays school songs & s'mores, once i was old enough Uncle Kenny said I could drive the golf cart which was THEE coolest, waking up to Uncle Kenny & Aunt Yvonne & most likely Aunt Elma drinking coffee {I dont know what it is, maybe that folgers smell  but I will always remember that smell} & I would promptly be giving cinnamon butterfly toast {the perfect ratio of cinnamon to sugar} butterfly toast you ask? my aunt with cut my toast into triangles & turn them making them look like a butterfly, there was always a dog, cat or a bunny to play with & when that failed? You knew Molly from next door was sure to run over sometime that day, I knew I would laugh til I had a tummy ache over my uncles donald duck voice, that Keith would have some new jack up jeep or truck accompanied with some new crazy hair do, & when I got older? I got to sleep in the camper which I always thought was the best thing ever. & I got to try a new food, I was the PICKEST eater but he always made me try what was dinner weather I said I liked it or not.

My most favorite memories surround these two people.

They each are so so special to me.

But my Uncle. Oh my Uncle Kenny. 
Many of those weekends didn't start off me planning to head out to good ol Wauseon they were intended for me to go see my biological dad & more often times then not I was sitting out on my porch with my minnie mouse suitcase my grandma flynn has specially bought me on a trip to the disney store just waiting. & waiting. My mom would take me out their house & my Uncle would sit me down & tell me how special I was to him. That it didn't matter that I didn't get picked up cause I was there now & we were gonna have so much fun I would forget about it. So as they did many times after dinner we would go get ice cream & he was right I would forget. He always made me feel like I was so wanted & so loved.

When I first meet Brandon & said we were going to get married I loved the way he was so concerned about who this boy was in my life & if he was good enough, asking 20 questions. After all I needed a man who when I forgot my toothbrush would run out buy the $20 automatic barbie one just cause I wanted it, just as he had so many years ago.

I really could go on & on about our memories; but we would be here forever.

After about a month of being in the ICU things really started to look up, some great changes had happened.& I as well as many other were so so hopeful.& then within a blink of a eye, some mistakes happened & things really turned for the worse & everything changed within days

. I think I will always remember the call I got Monday afternoon saying there was talk of turning the machines off. I fell to ground sobbing, then hurried & got my things & rushed to Toledo. I had to see him. I know the Drs said it was reflexes but I pray  he knew I was there, that he knew how much he meant to me & that he heard all the things I told him in that room. 
He just has to know.

Life got so busy; I don't know how many times he was hollerin' at me for not answering my phone {why would i have a phone if i dont answer it, he would tease me} & I always was trying to find to time to get over & spend more time with them.

Life maybe busy, but it so short ya'll. I would give ANYTHING to see him again. To hug him, to hear his donald duck voice & reminisce about him running over a raccoon & getting beat up by Aunt Yvonne in the car; I think that was his favorite to tell over & over, to hear him talk about NASCAR I loved get him all wrilled up saying JR was better then Gordon even tho I had no clue what I was talking about, or the story about him playing hide & side & falling in the outhouse hole {does anyone remember that story???} but now its too late.

Go see your families, call them up, take pictures.
Tell them how much they mean you to you.
Tomorrow is never ever given.
& you never want to be up at 1 AM crying cause you wish you have talked or seen them more like I am now.

I hate that I had to say bye, but I know he is pain free now, in heaven with some of his family. & I can not wait til I see him again. 
Can not wait.