Women Connect- Momma; 2 under 2

11:19 AM
Hi Ya'll!
I am Tara!
Im trying to think of a neat way to talk about myself with something that you cant read on my side bar, or by clicking "our story" & I have no idea where to start.  

First, I am fresh {almost 7 months in} to being a 2 under 2 momma. Let me tell you, hardest thing I have ever done. Since my oldest {Kennedy} was still very much a "baby" it made the first 6 month of my life TOUGH.& now with "terrible twos" more then settling into my luntic toddler & the other now moblie into everything; makes for a comical day. Im still learning new tricks, tweaks in our schedule to get thru the day without a tantrum & a screaming baby daily.
I feel like mostly since this is my outlet, it sounds very much like complaining about this amazing life ive been dealt. So when I read from Becky "write something challenging you at the moment" I thought OH, I can do that. But decided no, Im gonna change it up a little. 

While most days, I am counting down the seconds til my husband walks thru door from work; there are days  that make the "bad days" so worth it.

Having 2 under 2 has it challenges but if also has it advantages. I get to see my girls interact in ways Ive never seen longer spaced out siblings. The way my youngest {Kensley} looks at my oldest, is unreal in itself. She is constant in awe of her, trying to mimic things that she does. If Kennedy is in the room, Kensleys eyes are locked on her. She is doing things by leaps & bounds & I know its because of her sister, she longs to get up & go with her & I can't wait for that day to come. As for Kennedy, there are days when litterly she wants nothing to do with her sister & will stay as far away from her as possible; but most days? The first thing I hear in the morning coming from her room... "SISSY? SISSY! AKE UP! SISSY COME ON" or making sure she gives her kisses before she goes to bed.every.night. hearing "I ove yo sissy, oh mush" Is enough to make my life in that moment. On the days Kensley is inconsolable I can look over Kennedy is trying her best to make her better. Just this weekend she took two ornaments & was clinking them together cause that was making her happy, 

Sisters are such a special thing I know cause I have one & I feel so blessed that I was able to give that to them. There was a time, many actually I questioned myself. Was Kennedy supposed to be just a only child, was I meant to do this, was my infertility & risks the second time around the God putting road blocks for this life I was supposed to have. & now I am embarrassed & ashamed I ever ever thought those thoughts. This IS the life for me, I WAS meant to have BOTH of these miracles in myself, & our struggle to get them here make us all the more grateful.

So that is what I came up with! These humans are amazing be everyday, I may complain that I havent showered in days; im STILL in the yoga pants I was in the when my husband left in the morning til he got home, I rarely have it together, someone without a doubt is crying/screaming at my house at any given moment; & if you were to randomly stop by my house during the day what you may find behind my door may scare you; but this life in all its messy-tantrum-ness has been so amazing, so even on those "bad days" im thanking my lucky stars for this life.each.and.every.day.

CBL: Cut down our tree!

2:59 PM

First off the list!
We go every year to same place, cut down our tree; get our picture taken. 
I always cant wait {even tho we take one of our own} to see our picture from the previous year in their album!
We were so sad when the own came up to us & we caught up; talking about how we first started coming when we were dating; & he told us next year is the last year :(
In the mean time tho. We enjoyed it just as much as we did years past!

We borrowed my MILs truck, cranked up the Christmas music & was on our way!
Trying to explain a Christmas tree to a 2 year old is hard!
"a twee momma? we get a twee?"
Ok So let me just explain:
Brandon DID NOT tell me my hair looked like this haah
it was FREEZING. so we left the girls in the truck to find the free & i was trying to put my coat of my head, rubbing my ears & stuff to keep cold.
Pretty much the is a disaster photo, BUT, its not like this was a photoshoot anyway.
The girls can look back & remember what a goof momma was haha

this is Kennedy trying to tell Kensley to smile
I will always mourn not having the 2008 pic! :(
Also, You think maybe its time for me to get a new coat?!?! hahaha

Kennedys SECOND Cinderella birthday party! {the details}

8:44 PM
Can you believe it?
Shes TWO! I dont know how it happened! I feel like I started planning her party months ago...ok its because I did. I really really wanted to put alot into this birthday. Last year I was SO sick from being pregnant with Kensley & in & out of the hospital every other week, so if I had not of bought some things from Hobby Lobby that spring I wouldnt have had much for her birthday.

We were between two themes, Minnie & Cinderella. We decided with the Cinderella. I was shooting for only spending $50 tops for the party excluding food & her dress. I was going to make all the decoration with my Cricut. Which would save us lots of money. That in mind, I booked the cake, & started looking for a seamstress to make her dress. I knew I wanted a cinderella "inspired" dress. Not a costume. Something unique & not cookie cutter. 

The whole about 6 weeks before the party was a wreck, I get her dress. It is NOTHING, like what we talked about or even dress, yes I freakin drew what I wanted & it came out awful. THEN my old sister stole ALL of my cricut cartridges, including the to make her stuff. I looked it up on eBay & of course its retired & way more than what I wanted to spend on it! 

Things started to look up, a momma on the Matilda Jane board, gave me a great price & re made a dress for her. &  I ended up enlarging a cinderella printing it & cutting out each one myself. It was totally time consuming but it was my only option.

Here is what the ceiling was SUPPOSED to looked like but all the way around...it ended up falling the day before & I had no energy to re do.

Just about everything for the party was a 1 dollar or less.
I ended up doing the whole party {again minus food & the dress} for a littlle less then $30!
 I made little chalk board signs, from $1 serving trays with chalk board paint on the inside.

 the cinderella banners, were free; I had the paper & just printed the image off google images.
Sugar cookies I made from scratch, & bought the Cinderella cookie cutters on sale a few months ago for $2, there was also crowns.

Another $1 try with plasic silverware that came with both for $1.

The clock we already had but took out the battery to keep at midnight, & had the book as well. My mother in law picked up all the pumpkins for a a couple dollars, I painted them white & put glitter on them.

I did cake frosting no the pretzel "wands". Microwave the frosting & use just like it were chocolate then refridgerate over night. I added cotton candy to the bottom of the jars so they would stick out enough to grab.

 Pack of wands were $1! 
The party favors were just in cups {$1} with cotton candy {.98 cents a tub} with plastic gift wrap {$1} with the wand in it!
The drink was just Sprite with frozen blue Hawaiian Punch! SO GOOD.
The cake was done by Cakes by Laurie. It was the biggest purchase for the party & worth every penny. 
It was SO perfect.

Of course I couldnt get a good one of her dress. She is constantly on the move. Here is one from before the party.
The crown: Target
Necklace: Made my Me :)
Bracelet: come in a gift
Wand: Walmart

Pictures of the party up next!!

Our Christmas Bucket List

4:24 PM
Hopefully I will be better at taking pictures of these one then out summer bucketlist!!
Bring on the Holidays!!

Kensley- 6 MONTHS

9:52 PM
I am little behind. But better late then never!

Kensley is 6 MONTHS, crazy.  We just like Kennedy had a little half birthday celebration for her! & like I said last time, one thing I have learned with this babies is tomorrow isn't given. So if I want to celebrate the first amazing 6 months of my babies life, im gonna dag-nab-it ;)

I look at her & I just can't believe it, maybe its because she is such a peanut. I am not sure.
Its becoming more real 6 months in, I have TWO kids. I mean like the last 6 months of craziness hecitness hasnt? haha I think the first 6 months was just a blur honestly. I was/am SO tired & keeping up with both of them all the days just blurred together. Now that she is crawling & the girls are playing, it is amazing. Its letting me sit back a little, take in my girls. I am just so blessed. So incredbiliy blessed. I just don't know what I did to deserve them. They are my world.

Dear Kensley,
6 months baby girl, 6 months. I remember this time last year I WAS so sick. We didn't know if you would even be here today. I didnt even know if I would be here today. I look at you & can't believe you are mine. You look SO much like me, & I love it. I love that we have that speical thing like sissy & daddy have. There is something about having your daughter looking like you that seems just so special. You are just a absolute joy, I thank God daily for choosing us to your parents. We are so truly lucky.   This 6 months has been amazing. Its so fun to watch you grow, & turn into you. Daddy & I always look at you and say "how big you are" when really you are still sucha peanut. This has been such a fun month!

Heres what you've been up to this past month:
 You started sitting up months ago then regressed & wouldnt sit up at all! Then out of no where started again. You started crawling! Ok well I wouldnt call it a REAL crawl. But you army crawl like nobodies business you are SO fast. 
Food: You started babyfood & love it!  Although you much rather have whatever is on our plate or so you seem to think, you grab EVERYTHING. You are still exclusively breastfeeding, & loving it.

Sleep: We transitioned you into your crib. You are still sleeping thru the night, waking up at about 5ish to nurse I just keep you in bed with me to snuggle the rest of the morning

You are now in size 2 diapers & weight 13lbs! & in 6 month clothing!
We had your referal appointment for your eye & then have your pre op appt at the end of the month to schedule your surgery for your clogged eye duct. I am so scared, but anxious to get it done at the same time!

Your favorite things
Momma iphone
Your sister
bouncing in your bouncer

You laugh, you are so ticklish! You babble. & boy do you have things to say. You & your sister yelled back & fourth to one another! Its so funny! Pretty much anything your sister does is hilarous to you. You watch her every move & it warms my soul to the core. I see a relationship/bond forming & I couldnt be more proud of bringing to humans into this world to be together.

Your firs'st this month: First Halloween  first time smashing cake/tasting sugar, first baby foods, first time crawling, first time trying a sippy.

We can't imagine life without you here. Thanks for making this the best 6 month of our lives!
Love, Momma

Click HERE for Kennedys 6 month update, which is when I got my first script our first cycle of fertility meds!

my heart

11:43 AM
**Side note: Hello to all my family & friends from home, after going back & fourth with making this blog public to family & friends I decided to take the plunge after going on almost 3 years now! This blog has been my safe haven for a long time, its been my diary, its gets very personal, very raw & somethings you may not care to read about, read at your own risk ;) ; I have nearly 200 readers, & even was featured in a magazine. I hope you all enjoy, cause frankly I cant keep up with two blogs anymore haha **

Recently I had taken the girls, & my niece who was staying with us at the time {whole post in itself} to the park! They were playing great! There is a huge pirate ship & bug hadn't seen anything like that before, it was like her own "bucky" {that was a jake & the neverland pirates reference in case you were wondering} 

Then some older girls came along, I would guess they were 7-9? My niece JJ, takes alot better to older girls then younger cause of her older sisters.
They started playing & bug was right there trying to keep up & be a big girl! Then the older one started saying "oh my gosh that baby wont leave us alone" then other one said "go away baby, guys RUN!" then they would run up to her and say " GO AWAY BABY, EWWW" then run away & repeating. I am sitting next to the mother wondering HOW she is letting her girls do this.

My Kennedy is SO extremely tender hearted. VERY much like me & her feelings can get hurt so easily. If she is being naughty, we can simply say kennedy you are being mean. & her whole world come crashing down & she puts her hands to her face & sobs. So when these little girls were doing that to her she litterly stood there heartbroken.

& in that instant, I was introduced to a all new part of motherhood. My heart broke with her. I felt exactly what she was feeling. It was like the little girls were being mean to me. I looked over at the mom one more time in hopes that she would discipline her girls. But she didn't. Finally they went under the ship, Kennedy was a few mins behind them since its harder for her to climb ect, & they said "GET AWAY BABY, NO BABIES ALOUD IN HERE". Kennedy fell to the ground bawling. & I stood up, called JJ & said "this is your cousin, you are nice to her no matter how anyone else treats her. & GIRLS, she is ONE you guys are alot bigger and should know not to be mean, she is not hurting you and just wants to play, BE NICE." & sent a dirty look over to the mom who LAUGHED.

My mind fast forwarded to school, & even *gulp* highschool. I knew hurt for my child, but I hadn't experienced just how much personal hurt I would feel seeing one of my girls being hurt by another person. It showed me a whole new side of my love for my children. But, that day made me scared for their future, at a certain point I can't control the hurt they are going to experience. That truly terrified me.

I want them to always know I am always in their corner, & no matter what the age is I will support them, back them up & will speak up & tell someone to be nice & leave my babies alone! :)

oh motherhood.

10:11 PM
I know I know, I was supposed to be writing alot more.
Hell im lucky if I get a post in a week.

But here it goes, one of those posts. 
You know the let it all out posts.

Ive been up to my ears in being a mom. Shits tough. I knew it was, of course.
But that moment, when you in the grocery, & "that kid" you can hear in the automotive section coming from the grocery section, that is arching her back screaming throwing a fit is YOUR kid. Its like a big momma smack in the face.

Let me first by saying I KNOW im a good mom, I do.
But tell me, when I know I was meant to do all this, does moments like said event can make you doubt yourself?

Because I did pray for this. I have two babies laughing, yelling & crying; & that means I have two beautiful girls & they are happy. I have a messy house, & that means I have a beautiful warm harm. My husband is constantly working & there is ALWAYS dishes in the sink, & that means he has a job & we have food to eat.

There is nights I have too many glasses of wine to drink because the baby is teething & its been 2...no 3 hours of straight crying; kennedy just go out the box of cereal its all over the floor, the dog peed on the floor, the phone is ringing & damn it all i want is a shower for the first time in a week. & heres the thing; a thing I just learned"

All that, everything I just said; I thought I couldn't say; how dare i complain after it took so long to have these babies, how dare i complain about my crazy life when so many are struggling are trying to have babies themselves; that I myself just 3 years ago would have died for. But I CAN.

Just because I had a bad day/week/month doesnt mean I dont appreciate  love, adore &am any less grateful for these little humans.

& as if AP couldn't get any more amazeballs she wrote another post today {if you arent following her go ahead & do youself a favor & do so, the next 29 days are gonna be amazing on her blog} she said what I have needed to hear the last few weeks: "your doing OK, your going to be OK, your the greatest mother to your child..even if you raise your voice.."

I feel like infertility  has given me such a complex that I can't have those days when my cheeks are tear stained, Im waving that "motherhood white flag" & I can't get wine in my glass fast enough; but no matter how you get your babies here, your a momma & your allowed to have bad days.  Because:

Its ok.
Your doing great.

Show & Tell!

11:26 AM

1. Tell us your favorite baby names? Aside from your own babies, if you have some :)
Well my babies names of course Kennedy, Kensley; love Madelyn! If we were to have had a boy our boy names were Maddox & Carter! I also love the names Lennon & Lennox!

2. Show me your "dream" nursery {can be your baby's nursery or one that you love}
I really loved Kennedys {now its a toddler bed, soon big girl room!}! Kensleys isnt even done....OPPS!
Honestly there are so many that I love I couldnt narrow it down! Here is Kennedys:

3. How many children would you like to have? How far apart?
Oh I would love to have 5! But you take what the lord hands you & he handed us two beautiful little girls!! They are  16 months apart!!

4. Tell us what you think the importance of parenting is?
Oh geez. What isnt really? Each day I am learning something different that I want to instill in my girls. I am learning new way of doing things, & in general im just learning; I am just 22 months into this momma thing. But really I just want to teach them to be the BEST they can be. Be people they can be proud of. I really think your children reflect parents & they are the best part of me. I hope to teach them good morals, manners,to stand up for what they believe in & to be a ladies!

5. Show us your favorite newborn photo {can be your children or random} 

6.  Tell us some things you promise to never do as a parent {and if you are a parent, did you stick to it}
Hahah so many!
1st: no TV til 2, We did the first year with none, but now? with 2 under 2; we are big time toy story fans over here!  So guilty. 
PJs to the grocery? Now im only guilty of this once & they were super cute jammies with matching slippers. But I used to HATE seeing kids in jammies at walmart. Grant it in our town that was usually a too small tshirt no shoes with a full diaper on, but still. & hey she had a matching bow, that makes it ok right? ;)
I know growing up there is so much I would use the infamous "I am never going to do this to my kids" & somethings I wont, but for the most part? I loved the way my parents did things & I WILL be doing alot of the same things! Just dont tell my mom I said that ;)