my birth plan

3:04 PM
when I say birth plan, take it lightly
birth can be have so many unexpected turns in events
I should really call it my "hopefully-wishing-birth-plan-thoughts"

Labor at home as long as possible.
Depending of course if I go to term & appts leading up to this
& by as long as possible I don't mean real long, if this labor follows kennedys it was just under 4 hours & I just dont want to take of the chance of being at home too long, but don't plan on jumping in the car with my first contraction either.

No intervention.
Again, unless medically & I mean I get more than one opinion, I would like NO pitocin or c-section.

No Epidural.
I have full confidence in myself that I can do this without the help of an epidural I went thru transtion & most of my labor til 8cm with kennedy without it, & got a boluse button which im 85% didn't even take for how far I was.
Now, I am also not saying I WILL NOT get one. I am not gonna get down on myself & beat myself up if I do end up getting one. I will however get a shot before any epidural intervention before making that decision.
But going in, I have full intention on not getting one.

Just Brandon & I.
This being our last & final *sniff* time to experience a birth of our own. We want it to be just us. & the photographer.
All family will be out in the waiting room or where ever they choose to be.
I am sure I will have my mom in there at some point during labor; but for the birth it will only be Brandon & the photographer.

Delayed Cord Clamping
I have in the past year gotten educated on delayed cord clamping & it will be something we do. We donated Kennedys but after research realize it amazing for baby to get that! It can take anywhere from 2-7 minutes! If you want to read a good post with info & pictures, you can do so HERE.

Skin to Skin
As long as baby is born healthy & no complications, we will again be doing an hour skin to skin. Which mean no one touches her for the first hour. No one weighs her, or anything. I loved doing it with Kennedy it SO beneficial for baby, not to mention breastfeeding. 
SN:a actually really cool video if you want to check it out is called the breast crawl, it show the baby put down right after birth & the baby actually crawls to mothers breast itself & even attaches; pretty neat!

Welcoming Sister to Sister.
After that hour I want bug to meet her/hold her first! & see what she thinks/gets a feel for her. Kinda a silly request but I want her to be the next after us two :)

Now to keep her baking til term!
Appt Friday, since I kinda forgot I had one this Friday! 

house of horrors

1:03 PM

lets start this off by saying I hate the dentist
not like when everyone says they hate the dentist
but i seriously get like sweaty palms, anxiety attack scared of the dentist.
Sure after having more of my pre-teen life spent in a orthdontist
thats right freakin FIVE years of braces GEEZ. & things before that
this fear should be long gone piece of cake right?

At the end of my pregnancy with Kennedy, my right back molar chipped
of course I knew I needed to get it fixed but with the end of my pregnancy, then newborn plus our insurance not having ANY dental coverage, not to mention my fear it was the LAST thing on my mind.

Let me also say dental health while being pregnant is HUGE. Like major shit here people.
So when we started trying I KNEW I had to get in. But my fear kept me from making that call.

So lets go back to last week, I made the appt my tooth at this point was hurting me which it hadn't before.
The dentist sent me to a oral sugreon to get a root canal or extraction
but the OS would not touch me with being high risk, I needed a clearence from my OB
since we found out I have an infection under the tooth.
please don't think im some nasty that doesnt brush their teeth haah I do at least twice a day, floss, rinse the whole deal!  But kennedys pregnancy took the life outta my teefers!

But the dilema was the infection could put me into labor, but doing the root canal or extraction could put me into labor.
Either are big risks.

I started intense anti botics & would try to put it off til at least 30 week if not after baby.

That was Last Monday.

Last Tuesday I went into labor.

Last Wednesday it chipped MORE! AH

So i had to weight out my options in a root canal or extraction.
The difference besides the obviously was couple thousand dollars.
Extraction was prefeered by the dentist since my wisdom tooth was going to slide right in that spot by the end of the year taking away from having them removed by the end of the year.

So I deicded on that, I would be a hilbilly til the molar came all the way thru. 
Luckily it is back so far no one will even see it. 

Well, I just got a call from the dentist & my OB cleared me & wants it out...TOMORROW!
like noon tomorrow.
I have to take double anti contrax pills before, & one after, rest & have someone pamper me. darn ;)
I just have to make sure Brandon can switch his day off so he can be my nurse :)

Seriously, I am FREAKING OUT!
not looking forward to this AT ALL.
But I know it is whats best for baby.

Learn from me ladies, dental health & pregnancy are so HUGE. make sure you get a cleaning & check before you even start TTC! It can effect baby so much. & momma!

So am I the only one or do yall hate the dentist too?

Kennedy: a toddler.

12:57 PM
Can we just take a second or two
& lets just talk about my daughter
I know I do it enough but I really havent had a post dedicated to her lately, since I am not doing month updates anymore.
is that mean?
I could barely keep up with them.
Anyway, when your baby becomes a toddler you know there will be changes.
walking & tantrums. sippys & boo boos.
& that little baby becoming his or hers own little person.

Bug has always had quite the personality but after she turned 1; she turned into this little.... human
the sweetest, funniest, cuddley-est, loving,  little "girl" ever.
I wish I could just post a video of our day. How she acts & the things she does & says so you all could get the feel for what I am talking about.

She does the craziest things:
she falls asleep when  & wherever:
she is SUCH a ham!
she seriously is hilarous
she has a bit of girly sass to her, like she wont leave the house without her doggie purse, she now will refuse to wear certain not joking. & will be more than happy to pick what SHE wants to wear.
she loves her pups
the dog isnt dead/choking he just happened to be licking his nose..ok he might has been choking a little ha
did i mention how funny she is?
oh babygirl. You keep us on our toes everyday. Surprising us with what you know, what you can do, & what you can say each day.
Just yesterday while doing her infamous head stand fell over & Brandon laughed, she jibber jabbered some & said "nah nice" meaning not nice. Which is something that is frequently said to her regarding the dogs & her new found hitting us in the face.

Toddlerhood is such a trying time, but lord are we loving the ride; & laughing our butts off.

Love you so much!

Pre term labor

6:35 PM

Do you ever want to throw your hands up in the air & yell to God
that was me yesterday
at about 230 I lost my mucus plug with alot of blood {sorry for the TMI but hey your used to it by now right? ahah}
Sidenote: almost exactly around this time with kennedy the SAME thing happened

litterly probably 20 mins later the contractions started; I figured they were just braxton hicks; until they got rhythmic & after talking to the dr & them getting seriously worse than my labor with kennedy & at 3 mins part, I got sent to L&D at 5ish!
I was hooked up to be monitored, got hooked to a IV & given a shot of Breathine/Terbualine  which is an anti contraction medication; get labs & urine test; I had a elevated white blood cell count but everything was good.
The contractions were still pretty rough & the pain was effecting Kensley. Every contraction I had her heart beat would raise considerably high to the point were it was alarming, so to not put her in any destress or to cause me more labor from the pain & I got Nubane which is a safe for pregnancy pain reducer thru my IV.
Contractions started to let up but not much so I got 2 more doses of Breathine orally.
If you have ever taken you know how awful it makes you feel, your heart races SO fast & get so jittery & shakey; NO FUN!
We got them to about one every 45 min at a pain scale of 4-5, they wanted to keep me over night; but as long as I was OK I wanted to go home to my baby & my bed. Luckily they let me but gave me shot of Nubane to go home on; & then take another 2 Breathine tablets orally a hour later. & I had to check in first thing in the morning.
We got home around 11
& I woke up to about a contraction a hour if that; & if it has consistently been that way since.
I am now on Breathine til term, or they stop & stay stopped which I am not happy about I HATE feeling this way; I was on this with kennedy too.
Lots of rest, the nurse didn't say the word "bedrest" which I am grateful for; but she said dont do anything.
& of course push fluids.

I am at my moms probably for the night tonight, Brandon works til at least 8 if not later & has over a hour drive to get home, &  after a few hours this morning there is just no way I could have stayed home by myself & not done anything like the dr ordered.
I am so thankful I am able to do that, I really don't know what I would do if I couldn't.

Anyway wanted to update everyone & ask for thoughts/prayers that she got the pictures & is staying put!

26 & 27 weeks

10:55 AM

Did you notice week 25 was missing?
Thats because I got royally confused, the Dr tried moving my due date about a week & a half forward.
Making my due day the 20th.
There is just absoultely no way, Although we had stopped trying a few weeks before I went back & looked at my chart, I know down to day when I ovulated & conceived 
& since a "due date" is really just a guess, I am sticking with what I know.
& at this point he should just say I am measuring small, as a ultrasound at this point in pregnancy really isnt accurate as it is in the beginning
So I am 27 weeks TODAY, but according the Dr 25w5d
Just a matter of a few days but still irritating since they did this with Kennedy too.
Of course I was right with her too :)

At my last appt on Friday we found out a couple things
1. I have to have another ultrasound, they have some concern that they couldnt see any kidneys or the lower half of her spine. I could freak out, which I kinda am but I am really just racking this up to the tech {who is a biznatch} did a sucky job or it was just her position.
2. my cervix is now at a 4.1 this is wonderful!  & out of the 3 range is which is what we want! 
3.  I get to wait 2 1/2 weeks to come back, for most people NO big deal, for me I haven't gone this long without a appt for high risk mommas, its the small things :) but after that I am 2 weeks or less due to how far along I am anyway :P
How far along? 27 weeks
Baby’s Size: The size of an cauliflower
Total Weight Gain: 3lbs what what!
Bellybutton: innie!
Stretchmarks: nope!
Maternity Clothes: still just my pants & the shirts I got for christmas. I want to get some tho soon!
Movement: Always, big jabs now! 
Sleep: Still good. Kinda thinking about getting a pregnancy pillow, the body pillow just isnt cutting it! Do any of you own one? Is it worth the money?
Symptoms: Constantly drinking milk, like with Bug! More cravings than I did with Kennedy! Colostrum, lord have mercy lots of colostrum. So exciting!
Food Aversions: None
Food Cravings: Milk, & Scotch Eggs! YUMMM!
Best Moments this week: Finding out I can wait longer to come back to my appts!
Buggy really getting into where "bebe" is! Makes my whole world complete.
What I miss: Still nothing. I love being pregnant, I can rarely find a thing to make me want to miss out on!
What I am Looking forward to: Getting her bedding!

your questions answered: are you crazy?

2:14 PM

This is a open letter, & a little talk about being a pregnant momma of a toddler

Pregnancy with a toddler is no joke my friends.

I worked a soild 3 weeks when I was pregnant with Kennedy; until I got sick. I laid on the couch mostly dying; but after the dying part. I took 3-4 hour naps, cuddled with my 3 pups watching old episodes of One Tree Hill I've seen a million times. When I had a sudden urge to gain 50 pounds with my cravings, I jumped into the car drove to McDonalds for that Big Mac, frozen cake at walmart or took the 20 min trip to get some damn fazoli breadsticks {mmm must get those soon.} with out a care in the world.

Lets fast forward about 2 years. 
I am guilty of turning on Tangled in the morning, grabbing a bowl of cherrios & cut up nana's & a ba-ba for those few extra 15 mins of sleep. 
Naps? HA. Bug takes two a day, what I am doing? I am "trying" to clean up my tornado of a house, the highchair with lunch slewed not only all over the highchair itself but the floor, wall & anything within 4 ft radius, the dishes, feed the dogs, let out out the dogs. & sometimes I just want to sit. Oh to sit & catch up on DVR. 

Cravings? Hell by the time I rangle her up, get the dog BACK into the house for the 5th time, I can't find my keys; my money isnt even in my wallet & franky I need a nap from the fourth said events I dont have the energy to look for it & probably forgotten what said craving was anyways.

Dinner? haha 

I am blessed with a child that when 8 o clock hits it bedtime at our house, no later. So by 830 I will try to stay up to watch those ever obsessive, trashy shows I love so much, catch up on twitter but really I give it til 10 til Im in a puddle of drool pooled on my pillow, awaiting the next hour I will have to get up and switch position to get some what comfortable.

So YES, I am crazy for having my babies 18 months apart & dare I say wanted them that close & even more TRIED to have them even closer.

This whole 3 trimester with a almost 15 month old shit isn't a joke.

& friends I still got 3 months left & months of newborn-ness to follow.

I am completely content in our crazy decision & with its said "tornado" of a life :)

But in the words of that person that always has awesome quotes about real life; "I may not have it all together, but together; we have it all."


10:04 AM
After my pre-term scare a few weeks ago 
I have been in nesting mood; which I think I normal for about now but as with Bug with my preterm it gets jump started!
All of Kensleys furniture has been bought

All of these are Instagram quality so bare with me
The ugly light will be gone!
I am ordering her bedding hopefully this week; & my friend & I should be painting any day now. But life with toddlers has gotten the best of us!
I would show you but I want surprise yall!
The big surprise that I can tell you is there is pink involved!
If you know me at all. I don't do pink
but since everything in bugs room is purple, I thought I would do pink for her!

Then a long time ago I pinned this:
Seriously I fell in love
so I attempted it FINALLY
A lot of the pictures arent up cause they need updating, at a new little person added to them :)
So nesting has kinda been spruce up the house before the baby comes; rather than get stuff ready for her since I have just about everything!

Remember when I said I was redoing that hideous dining room of mine?
Well at about 930 at night one night I thought yeah, ill go ahead & do that
Before 1030 arrive my butt was in bed & one & half walls were painted....& still are! OPPS!
Need to finish. Husband is refusing to help since "it didnt need it" 
little does he know on his day of on friday he will get the wrath of this pregnant woman & he will be painting the day away :)

I have some other stuff up my shelve I cant wait to share!

becoming tara: the momma, wife, photographer cont..

10:47 AM
I wanted to share a struggle that has been on my heart as of late; & how I am overcoming it.
Its a hard thing for me to share but,
I want to share because I feel like someone else maybe going thru the same thing

Sometimes when I read other blogs, read others' facebooks or twitter I can feel "not good enough" 
Mostly with the way I look, & what I am doing as of late.

No, I am not going on a rant of how I think I'm fat ect.
But to say I let myself go is kinda a understatement, body image aside.

Yes about 2 days out of the week I get dressed in my cute clothes; & sure to my benefit I need more clothes that fit for this weather with this bump strapped to my torso.
But I look at these moms; & am like holy cow, ya'll look great. Outfits always so perfectly together.
 As I brush off my yoga pants with dried on cheerios, mix matched socks & hair ALWAYS up.
it got to the point where I was SUPER down on myself.
I didn't even want myself in pictures. 

I see them doing parenting COMPLETELY different than me, & you start to second guess yourself. 
Am I  doing this right, are they going to turn around & be those kids that hate me ect.
You know THOSE kids.

With  my business, I have recently been completely pulled, shoved, twisted & drowned in puddle of mud with people that I thought had grown up from things of highschool. But I was completely wrong, & I was brutally attacked with nasty emails from FIVE people from ONE client that had changed her mind about her photos a MONTH later. It seriously took me down to such a low of low. Photography is my thing. The one thing outside of being a momma that is ALL me. Its what I am good at. & about the only thing I am. & to be told I wasn't. A joke even? The worst thing for me.  I was so belittled & called things I havent even heard come out of a grown persons mouth since I was in highschool.

I remember just a few years ago & all thru school I turned into the people around me; I had my twist on it but I was the person I hung around. I molded to it.

I wouldn't say I was a follower, but I changed different aspects of who I was.

But since  becoming a mom. I live for my daughter. Well & husband. 
& I am me.
Truly 100% me.

Who is that?

& that is a momma who doesn't always dress up everyday, that has her hair in a bun 99.9% of the time. That does parenting different than alot of people. That YES wants to be with her daughter ALL the time, & if you have a problem with that, DON'T hang around us. That is kinda sorta obsessed with all things labor/delivery. That is a photographer, a good photographer {phew that felt good to say} that house isnt always tidy & perfect & photo off pintrest. 

I have lost so many friends, but also recently gained some in the past year by being ME. 

& it feels so good, to be me

Sure I have things I wanted to work on, like not having my hair in a bun all time, I am taking more pictures of kennedy with me in them & showing my face in my weekly belly pictures,doing sessions again &LOVING it, seriously don't know how I stopped, I am working on bringing down my glass of water everynight so I dont end up having a million on my nightstand; but I am only improving myself not compromising myself & it feels so good.

I need to work on myself continuously; because I want to be the BEST I can be for my daughter{s}.
Cause they, Brandon & ultimately myself deserve it.

What's your love story.

8:46 AM

I was debating on even doing this cause frankly our "story" is boring haha
We have been together 4 years!
We have known each other much much longer well actually lets just jump into how we meet shall we?
I was a sophomore in highschool, he was a sophomore in college {yes he graduated when I was 8th grade haha} 
My best friend was all about this boy named Brandon; who lived in this house with 2 other guys.
Pretty much it was a frat house without the frat.
I met him after my pants litterly ripped from my crotch up to my zipper, yes in the front.
I totally thought him & his friend were dumb, immature & drank entirely too much.
Ask him about the first time we meet; & the numerous other times I came over there go on...
Yup he has no memory of me at ALL, my best friend whom is still my very good friend oh yes. Me? nope nada. SHEESH.
Whats a girl gotta do to be remembered more than exposing her crotch & pink undies these days ;) haha

so fast forward to MY sophmore year of college we cross paths again hanging out with our friends.
I was/am kinda a guys guy in form of a girl; so I was always over at their house & although he lived in brand new 3 bedroom home all to himself; he was the guy on the couch. I once again thought he was dumb, immature & drank entirely too much. haha He? didn't exactly like me either.
One thing led to another & after few nights of staying up all night & talking; we fell in love :)
ok well it took me a little longer..Hey i was young & wanted to have fun!
We were "dating" & actually moved in with one another before we were "facebook offical"
which looking back now is so crazy! haha but it was "our" way of doing it

He proposed just here at home, which is what I wanted. At the time our dogs were our kids & our life so it seemed like the best place to do it! I came home from my friends house; & walked in & started screaming because I thought the house had caught fire with all candles! They made a trail with rose petals to him waiting with a rose by the fire. 
Super simple, Super perfect!

Our wedding was I'd say normal size, not huge, not small. All in all I loved the day, just not events leading up to it. There was alot of drama, & it ulimately killed every emotion associated with the day. 
I look back & am not happy with day, but the event of marriage I was. 
I just wish certain people would have realized it was OUR day & OUR memories.
  Although....we were married months before the actual wedding which only a hand full of people knew! {hmm blog post on that one? i think so ;)}
The ceremony was in a gourgeous huge barn!

& the ceremony was in a old masonic temple ballroom. 

He USED to be a flowers, card the whole sha-bang type of guy. I would wake up to little notes & a single flower on the pillow beside me. Random bouquets of flowers for no reason. Now? not so much. sigh.. But he has never disappointed on Valentines day before! 
Which is ok cause honestly, I am stay at home fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie with take out kinda girl! :)
This valentines day not sure what we will do! I would like to incorporate Kennedy; shocker I know. So maybe a nice dinner out & a movie back at home? :) Its always his call on Valentines! So who knows!
I don't normally ask for anything, he surprised me with something! Last year it was a open heart necklace! Ah remember last year when I almost died? haha ahh memories ;)
This year I am asking/begging for some Tory Burch flats, but lets be honest; if I dont get them on v-day. Ill just order them :)
One thing to keep your relationship going?
Divorce is NOT a option.
not even dance with the idea, dont threaten it, dont even talk about it.
& its not easy. Its so hard. We still work on it everyday. Its ok to want to bite his head off & really really really not like him. But work thru it! Too many people are wanting this storybook marriage, marriage IS NOT EASY. Its actually the hardest thing I have expierence my whole life. This whole momma thing? Piece of cake, ive been playing mom to my nieces for YEARS it comes naturally to me; & I thank God for that. Marriage? Tough. Real tough. But if you love someone you work on it each & everyday! :)
Sidenote: he doesn't drink "entirely too much" anymore! after we got together we both kinda ex'd the party seen
just wanted to clear up that he isnt a ranging alcoholic :)


5:54 PM
I rarely complain about anything pregnancy related, but this my friends?
I was littlerly gagging waiting for them to get it for me!
Once I got half way thru I threw up in my mouth; TMI i know but that how much it gets me gaggy :P
I kinda sorta drank a half of glass of cherry coke {yes im still drinking pop, turns out I cant just stop cold turkey like i did with bug; all in moderation right?} I am hoping it doesnt set of the test; cause im 85% sure i failed!
Have any of you slipped up & still passed?
I also made this for Miss Kensley today! Isn't it adorable?
I kinda wanna start making them for people; but don't know when i'd find the time
& frankly I am not sure this will even fit her; if she follows sister & daddys suit big noggins are in her future!
Last weekend we went the Circus! She had so much fun frantically clapping with everyone; when everyone would start & she didn't notice she would she "OH!" & clap as fast as she could like she had to catch up!
We got to intermission & girlfriend was barely keeping her eyelids open, im tellin ya 8 o clock rolls around & she is out of comission!

morning after at 10 in the afternoon; & still out like a light!
Belly pic & appt update comin atcha! :)