8:25 PM
almost 7 weeks! can you believe it? I can't.

it went from a pea-to a peanut

i will most  more later when i can stay at the computer long enough without having to run & puke.

i remember

10:19 AM
when I first starting getting morning sickness, I said to Brandon "I have never been so happy to puke before in my life" since my last MC I had not gotten to that point. Yeah, I'm re-thinking that statement. I think morning sickness will be the death of me today :( On top of that, Brandon has it to. He leaves before I get up, & will call me, "you feel sick?" i say "yes, its awful" he replies "me too." bless his heart. I'm not complaining, just my stomach & acid burned throat is. I still would not change it for the world.

On a side note, I do not know if I have mentioned I am a photographer, & had a awesome Easter session last week & thought I would share the link to my photography blog, so check it out let me know what you think of my work, HERE.

Next  ultrasound tomorrow, pray we can hear the heartbeat so I do not die of stress. I am 6w3d today! Have a good hump day!!


i didn't know

2:20 PM
my own stregnth. 
yesterday I got my second quants done.Then, late last night I started bleeding. I called the doctor, & he told me he was sorry but I was miscarring. I cried, & cried. I was done. I was never doing to get pregnant agian I could not bare the pain. I finally fell asleep from exhaustion emotionally & then this afternoon, my cell phone rang, it was the hosptial I thought what now? It was my Dr, my number sky rocketed, & my bleeding was just from over doing it (helllooo bed rest) & they he said it to me "I am so happy to finally tell you, you are pregnant! lets take this one to term" I couldn't belive it after all that pain the night before, today I can say I AM PREGANT! Although, I'm not very confident in saying it!

My second ultra sound is this Thursday (have I mentioned that I love this new Dr, does free ultrasounds??).
& I wanted to thank all of you for being there for me even if it was send "baby dust" or such encouraging words, all of your crossed fingers are worked!!

I wanted to share with you one of my favortie songs, I listened to it agian today & it had a whole new meaning here are the lyrics:

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take
Its by Whitney Houston. Hopefully you enjoy the song to. 
Everyone had a wonderful Easter!!
Hoppy Easter! (haha get it?)


a wonderful surprise

7:49 PM
Today I got the mail; look through, but nothing was for me. Had had gotten in on the way to work & put it on seat next to me. After a terrible terrible day of work of physical pain & thinking entirely to much, I was on my way home and on the verge of a emotional breakdown when in the mist of all of the mail, there was a small envelope addressed me to me! I knew as soon as I saw it I knew what it was. And sure enough I open the card that says : "Tara- I hope this provides you with some comfort you need. I loved making it and being a part of your babies lives. They are special spirits! Best of luck in your journey! Love, Courtney" inside was what i thought was a bracelet but a necklace with both of my angels birthstones the necklace lays just above my heart. Perfect.

For those who are not following "Baby Hungry" Courtney offered to make bracelets or lost babies token with birthstones of losses for women to help remember them & for some comfort. I can not thank her enough for my gift. I means so so much & came at just the right time. I know have a daily reminder of my angels.

this picture is awful because it was taken with my cellphone, and my camera was dead. So bare with me with the quality.  Here is the card (didnt she make it so so cute??) & my amazing necklace. Again, thank you so so much you are more wonderful than you know, & many blessing are being sent your way.

4 thousand something.

10:05 AM
The doctor called today, and said he wanted to call me to inform me my level was low, low 4 thousands to be exact. He said that could be just because its a early pregnancy but according to my ultrasound im 5 weeks, or something is "wrong". So, Im just confused. I looked up what it should be & one website said 5 weeks LMP: 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml  So, at least I'm not 18??? I am trying to stay postive, but my Dr is not making that too terribly easy for me. I guess it lies in the hands of tomorrow to see if it has doubled. 

I don't think I can handle it not doubling. No, I know I can't. It seems like 5 billion people in my subdivison are having garage sales & all of them have a crib or a pack & play on their drive way staring at me as I drive by. & Every pregnant women in my little town is at those garage sales. 

well, I am going to try to go enjoy this day & nice weather before I work a few hours this afternoon. Hope however you go about your day, it goes well!