Hi Friends! I had you all send me in your pregancy questions on Insta stories, & I am rounding up the most frequently asked one here! As I said in our announcement post, I know these things are hard for those on their journey, as it was for us. If you need to scroll on, I understand. My heart & prayers are with you, always.
Q: When is your due date?
A: I hate giving people due dates, because it gives so much pressure as it nears with constant questions etc. But I will say he will be her in December, we hope! :)
Q: How did you find out?
A: I had been feeling sick, & thought it was food poisoning. Then the next day, something flipped. When I get pregnant because of all that happens, there feeling is unmatched. I instantly feel like, what I only can imagine, is death. Everything just feels different & never have I ever felt that way outside of being pregnant. I instantly told Brandon, "I'm pregnant," He said "There is no way" He went out & got a test, that I barely even had to look at to confirm.
Q: Do you have a video of you telling the girls?
A: Surprisingly, I don't. I have bittersweet emotions about it. We waited til I was almost 20 weeks before we told the girls {or anyone}. I wanted to plan it out just right, but we ended up telling them so randomly. We were just in the living room watching a movie. Kennedy didn't believe us. She told us to stop lying and kept watching TV. Kensley lost it, full out sobbing. She just kept repeating how happy she was for me. Kennedy caught on that we weren't telling Kensley we were joking and then she lost it. They both full out sobbed & wouldn't let go of me for hours. So much of me wishes I would have recorded it. But, I truly will never forget it & so glad I have it in my heart forever.
Q: How does it feel to be having a little boy join the family?
A: Can't even describe it! I have wanted a boy so so badly. Years & years ago, I made a Pinterest board labeled "my imaginary son" where I would post cute boy clothes ect. We all are so thrilled. I can't say I am not nervous, of course. I have this girl mom thing down pat. I've probably asked Brandon a million times if he thinks I am going to be a good boy mom. I can only hope I am. {he assures me I will 😉}
Q: How are you feeling?
A: Better. In the beginning, it was really scary. When I tell you the Dr told me my body may not be able to handle another pregnancy, you can use your imagination on hard it is on me. I wasn't in the hospital or had home healthcare as previous pregnancies, but there was days I should have been hospitalized. I couldn't bring myself to go in. I was so scared of them telling me I had lost the baby. So those days I was sometimes scared of what the girls would walk into or Brandon would come home to. I do know, there is absolutely no way I could have made it this far without this pandemic. I would have no been able to function and do school drop-offs & activities etc in my condition. Again, the puzzle pieces...
Q: Names?
A: I am being *that* blogger & we aren't announcing his name til birth. I know, I know. His middle name however is the same as Brandons. Which is his father's name. Brandon's father passed away when he was 21. His brother's boys have Grandpa's name as their middle name & we are so excited to keep the tradition with our son now. It's such a special thing & I am so glad Brandon gets to carry it on with his son.
Q: Have you felt baby boy yet?
A: Oh yes! He is the most active baby I've ever had! It's been such a blessing as appointments spread out more. I rarely think to use the doppler for peace of mind. Him kicking me gives it to me through out the day!
Q: How is pregnancy during COVID?
A: Definitely different. Brandon hasn't been allowed to go to any of my appointments. That was particularly hard one of the appts we were looking for the baby's heartbeat for a minute & had to over to the ultrasound room. I thought I was going to pass out from a panic attack. We did pay to get an elective ultrasound so was able to come, but we were bummed even though they normally allow the whole family, the girls weren't able to go. We got the ultrasound on DVD & I swear they watch it every day.
We, of course, are taking all precautions pretty seriously.
Q: How did you deal with anxiety the first trimester, & now?
A: Quite frankly, I am not & have not. I truly try my best, but 10 pregnancies in & I am honestly always on edge that the other shoe is going to drop. I am always waiting for the ultrasound screen to be turned. I thought I had lost this baby so many times with the amount of bleeding I have had. So it always seemed like my fears were coming true, which doesn't help. I am trying to working through that as time goes on, it is less & less likely but it's hard. I pray before each appointment, in the parking lot & in the waiting room. It helps, but I am unsure it will ever be better.
Q: Do you have a bump?
A: My bump is pretty slow to show. But, trust the rest of my body looks more than pregnant. I have gained so much weight, which is so new for me as my past pregnancy with my sickness make me not gain anything.
Q: What was your first baby purchase?
Well, that's it for this Q&A! Thank you again for all of the love, it has been overwhelming in the best way. I am already getting so many questions about products & things I am getting the baby. Don't worry those posts will be coming!
I laid there and even though it had been 20 weeks, it felt so real for the first time. I felt like I was proving to someone that “hey! There is a real baby..ALIVE.. in my stomach. I’m doing it this time. See! We are doing it” Brandon, has been on this journey mourning right along with me. And my biggest part of healing was the amount of guilt I held that I was not only crushing my dreams of our family, but his too. Because of my body, I have put a lot of sadness on his face. And I can not tell you the feeling in the accurate words, that I had seeing his face in that room. Watching our baby (BOY!!) On that screen (sucking his big toe 
) His face I will remember the rest of my life. I swear he actually floated out of that office that day. 
