she blogged? I blogged! oh my! {birthday party pics}

8:00 PM
I know so shocking!
Im sitting here with my sicky girl!
she has croup AND RSV
we can't catch a break
babygirl is laying watching Elf, seriously she never watches TV even if I want her to, when im doing something; nothing catches her attention. But Elf, oh me oh my she is hooked! & this momma is thankful.
I am doing so much better! Im down to about 7ish times a day in the morning for getting sick; which is so great!

I don't have much time to write right now, I have to take bug out to get some cold air in her lung
but I will leave you with some pics from the party!
The day went off without a ditch!
We had it at the local golf course/country club; we ended up having just over 30 guests & it was so amazing to see that all of them were there for OUR little girl. We are so blessed to have such fantastic people in our/her life.
Printable by: DimplePrints
Decor: DIY by me :)

Dessert/Cake Table
oreos,twizzlers, ladybug cookies, & of course CAKE! :)

Thank You ladybug cookies
Smash Cake!
The cake!
She is absolutely the best at opening gifts, so so fun!
Here are some of fav gift pictures!
First gift:
Mom, that card is so hilarous haha
Same face :)
Like mother like daughter hehe
Smash cake Faves:
Shy when everyone started singing to her 

I didnt take much I acutally only took the ones of the table & my cousin took the others!
I wish i would have hired someone now, so I would have had more but oh well! What I do have im grateful for!
Hope to write more, sooner than later!
I miss you all, I am reading on my reader so i cant comment as  I am on my phone! but I am reading I promise! :))

its approaching

1:23 PM
birthday is in t-minus 2 days!
party on sunday!

Brandons Great Grandma passed away last week, so we have to go out of town tonight to be there for the funeral tomorrow. Which he had to take as this day of for the week!
So im super sad we actually wont see him at all on the day of her actual birthday, I am super bummed! 
He has a new positon at another office a hour away, as if I didnt already struggle with his hours; this makes it worse. But I keep reminding myself; at least he has a job, I am thankful, I am thankful, this is the reason I get to stay home..I am thankful I am thankful...haha it works..sometimes

So Wednesday we were supposed to have a birthday dinner just us 3 & go to Toys R Us to pick her up gift, that she is gonna die; but da-da is getting subbed by na-na! She wants to take her to Chuck E Cheese for dinner. I am on the fence. HELLO GERMS. but with her a running around crazy person; it does seem ideal to be able to run around  & it will be a weekday so it wont be busy! We will see! I will have lots of pictures!

& I babysit; so I have to get alllll the party stuff ready, WITH an engagement session on Saturday.
I am freakin out!

I will leave you with a throwback picture of my itty baby! :(

"outing" my blog

8:03 PM
as you all know my blog is not "public" per say
I dont post on my personal facebook that i have this blog
& no one knows I have but a few people
it has been my "haven" of infertility woes & complaints
a pregnancy time capsule & virtual baby book
with us announcing the pregnancy here soon
I am battling with the decision to "out" my blog when I go my pregnancy
I asked all my twitter mommas {whom as the best}
& i got a 50/50 
I could make a family blog & just do kennedy & preg updates
but i also want my past ones on there, which will be time consuming
but do i want to lose this little "safe" place I have to vent, be pissed off & be 100% honest with myself & others?
I also feel like this wonderful thing in my life is such a secret!
When I got in the article for FLUX magazine I was excited but could only tell all of you, which of course was wonderful but I wanted to tell my other friends as well!

So I want YOUR opnion what would YOU do?
Keep it private? or make it public?


9:49 PM
How did you do it?
those days approaching the "big day"
ya know...1st birthday
I know some of this is just pregnancy hormones..
but i am wreck yall..
they say "it goes by so fast"
but that doesnt even begin to prepare you...
i just want to go this very moment...

happy halloween!

12:20 PM
this was supposed to post last night but didn't :(
me a year ago yesterday!
I haven't gotten to download the pics of the ultrasound
but oh 2 weeks ago, i went into my appt actually kinda werid. I had this deep feeling that nothing was going to show up on the ultrasound.
But sure enough as soon as it started she {yes i already think/know gummy is a girl} was kicking, & sucking on her hand!
on the pictures we got you can see her foot with each & every toe! we measured at 9w5d!
I was bawling. I have been so sick,so so sick. The being pricked for an IV what seems like everyday you really get discouraged y aknow? but that. that made it all worth it!

speaking of sickness, it had gotten better im still probally getting sick 6 times aday which is such a HUGE improvement. I am getting so energy back. But i still cant get thru a grocery trip to walmart.

I had another appt yesterday.
I had been kinda concerned that maybe my blood pressure was up, i had been getting a very tight chest with chest pain & seeing stars & being lightheaded ect. So he said he hadnt looked at my blood work from my last appt 2 weeks ago so he would get it.
He came back in & kinda stood there for awhile just watching me & kennedy {brandon couldnt get off work} & said that once again my panel came back & i had little to no nutrition, i had no potassium & so many other things. He said he had no idea how i  came in to his office that day, let alone with a 11month old in tow. Then he said what made me litterly cry all day & am now that im typing this:
"I came in here with full intentions to some what beg you to never do this to your body again, You body just can't do pregnancy & doing this again could put your life in danger, until I just sat there & look at you with your daughter. & then I had full understanding how why you do this"
Cue the freakin waterworks.
I know i am a good mom, but to hear from a complete stranger that he picked up on that & understood made me the happiest person in the world.
Because to be honest I have questioned myself. Why did I want to get pregnant again knowing I would go thru all this & take away so much from kennedy,my family & business from being so sick. I was starting to think that I was probally the most selfish person on the planet. & hearing that, made me re tract to all the reasons I am a mom & wanted to be one for so long.
Also, the cerclage will be at 16 weeks!

On a different note, birthday is just 2 week away yall!
like freakin way to close! I cant believe it!