can we just take a second.
for me to get some things of my chest
August is vastly approaching
what does this mean?
August is the cut off month, that the dr recommended we no longer try
my chances of birth at 14-24 weeks rises significantly
im trying to stay positive, as I have said over & over
my months are all blurred together by a few 4 days a month.
AF, the 16th {kennedy turning a month older}, when I ovulate & testing
I know this is the only first cycle with Clomid
but I don't feel like it worked. 
no I know it didn't.
Im discouraged
I am sad
& with each pregnancy around me
I grow more angry.

I feel defeated.
my body has once again let me down.
I know I have Kennedy
& I thank God for that each & everyday.everyday.
but that longing.
will it ever go away?
will I feel like a failure, empty forever?
I can't take another negative. 
I can't. 
The amount of tension in my house during the 2ww is unreal.
I hate it.
Some people try for 10+  years
As I still here with my view obstructed by tears pouring down my cheeks
I realize
I can't do this.
Infertility wins.
You win.