Just two nights ago
its was was one of the nights that kennedy just didnt want to sleep in her crib
or in my bed
or on the couch
or the floor
with me
she was wanted to be tightly held by her momma sitting in her dark room
with the soft glow of her new nightlight
i was looking at her in complete awe that this little beautiful human was mine.
she attempted to stand up in my lap
struggling grasping on my shirt & grabbed onto my shoulders
& stood
took my cheeks & licked kissed my face
then we rubbed our foreheads together which is our "butterfly kisses"
& she laughed just like she does everytime we do
with a her cute little now 2 tooth'd smile
& i started to cry
she laid back in my arms & i sobbed.

recently a old more than best friends father passed away
& it got me thinking what if something happens to me?

god forib it does

would she know how much I loved her?

would whomever was taking care of her know?

know about our little songs that I make up that make her so happy
that "you are my sunshine" is the only thing that can instantly make her stop crying?
that she has to be on her left side with a blankey under her chin..wrapped around her body..then thru her legs to make her fall asleep?
will they know the difference between her whines & cries?
know she just needs to be held? or when she gets in her mood of just needing to be alone in her crib in her room?
know her likes & dislikes?
will the understand when she sits/stand with her mouth wide open panting like a dog means she wants a kiss?
that when she is upset she prefers her bunny blanket over all others?

I held her sobing, hoping that no one will need to know those things but me.

 it was just one of those nights that I couldnt hold her tight enough, kiss her just one more time, & time went by to fast