I probally should have wrote this alot sooner, so my memory was fresh. So, Im writing this to be best of my ability with my memory!

November 16th 4:00 AM- I woke up at 4 am full of energy which seems weird beings the day before I had blew the leaves in the backyard (we have a big-big backyard) & stacked a bunch of wood, because I was to have a doctors appt the next day & Brandon had the day off & I wanted to spend the whole day with him, & wanted to do those things so he wouldn't have to. Anyway! I started watching a Christmas movie on Hallmark, when I started to feel kinda queasy so I ate a bowl of cereal. When the back pain started.

It hurt, but nothing to bad. When I realized the pain was coming in intervals. 4 mins apart. I thought hmm, these can't be contraction because they were nothing like what I had been experiencing for 9 weeks of pre-term. My stomach wasn't hard or anything. I called my mother & asked what back labor felt like. She swore up & down I was in labor (I had saw her @ about 11 at night the day before where she said, I think your in labor. I thought she was insane) I woke Brandon & told him this might be it, stay in bed & got my stuff together. Then, I called L&D and said to the nurse "this may sound strange, but what does back labor feel like" I explained what I was going thru & she told me I was fine & just go to my appt that day at 1 in the afternoon.

Just minutes later, the pain was about 2 mins apart & I vomited. I again woke up Brandon told him I was just going to get checked just in case, he didn't have to come if he didn't want cause I was more than positive I was not in labor. He over course wanted to come, but we left all my stuff & Kennedys at home.

We pull in when by now the pain was less than 1 min apart, we are walking thru the parking lot where I had one very bad "pain" got down to squat & was saying "ow ow ow..." look on the ground & there was a 50 dollar bill! We walk in laughing on how we couldn't believe what I had found, the pain still very close together but not awful pain at all, very bearable.

I get into a room, that was still being cleaned. & get check. I was 8 cm!!! Good thing I didn't listen to that nurse huh? & on top of that she told me not to come in because they didn't have enough room! She asked if I wanted a epideral or just a shot since I was so far.  My birth plan was not to get anything if I came in & was 7. But the pain was getting a little more intense, again not bad though. & decided to get the epidural just with a bolus button where I could just push it when I need it. They broke my water, it was clear. But Kennedy was OP.  I got on my hands on knees to get her to turn. During this time was probably twas so hard because I wanted to push so bad, but couldn't. Which is when I pressed the button for first & only time. (the pain just wasn't that bad) So, I grunted & did very light pushes to ease the sensation. & YAY she turned.

Within minutes I was 10 cm & ready to push! Brandon was amazing, with coaching me. Telling me how great I was doing, that he loved me ect ect. He did great counting, although I do remember he stopped once & I yelled at him ! haha Speaking of counting my best friend in the whole world Joel, & Kennedy's god-father was outside the room, door cracked counting with Brandon & yelling "you can do it"; which gave me a huge laugh in it all. I was yelling I did want to poop! & every time they told me to push I would yell "no i'm gonna poop I can feel it" hahahha they nurses were laughing up a storm but I was bound & determined not to go number #2!

 I got her down to crowning in only about 10 or less minutes. Which is where, I feel was the hardest since the rest was really just a cinch.I got her to come about out to her ears when I gave up & back in she went. I started crying yelling "i wasn't strong enough & i couldn't do it" I was so discouraged, I was made to do this & I felt like I couldn't. When Brandon said she had brown hair, & I gave it all I had. The dr unwrapped the cord from her neck & onto my stomach. She didn't cry.

& continued to not cry for what seemed like forever. I started scream saying "cry cry cry" the dr yelled back saying "TARA, she is fine; she is breathing" but I continued to yell {i think any momma needs to hear that cry regardless} & that is when she gave a some what "geeze mom shut up" soft short little "wah". It was if it was just to let me know "hey, im ok."

Which is when I fell in love. I saw for the first time the most little perfect angel, my miracle, my daughter. After just under 5 hours of labor, 2 years of trying, 2 miscarriages, weeks in the hospital, weeks of terrifying pre-term labor,hurt & pain...I was a mom. The one thing I had wanted more than anything else in the whole world. The one thing, I spent so much heartache & time striving to be. I was a mom to the most beautiful little girl in the world.

We did Kangaroo time, which is when the nurses don't touch, weight or do anything to your baby & he/she lays on your chest skin-to-skin for the first hour; where you also try to breast feed. This is the most amazing hour of your life. & it goes by so fast I suggest this to every pregnant mother to do this. That first hour is in describable.

I told her of how much she was wanted, how much she was loved. How we had tried so hard for her, & how so many people loved her. I told her of what a miracle she really was. & how she was my daughter, & promised her to be the best momma I could ever be to her.

I remember, after an hour my mom asked if she could hold her "the hour is up" {not everyone was on the bagwagon with my birthplan} she wanted to hold her grandbaby, & I cried saying "its already been an hour?, shes growing up so fast!" - I def think emotions are worse after pregnancy!

After, that hour we found that our beautiful baby was 7lbs 5 oz & 21 1/2 in long.

my photographer missed the birth by 7 mins, but got these beautiful shots of after the birth. The photos are as always by Jess at J3Designz.

My Sister, Kennedy's Aunt Tiffany

My mother, Kennedy's Nana
My mom's baby, had a baby, & is now a mom
My best friend in the whole world, Joel. Kennedy's god-father.

That day, my dream came true; I became a mom.