I have absent from the blog world.
I am still reading tho!
I got a email from one of my favorite bloggers that I really considered a friend
after my last post
The email went into how ungrateful I am & how could I complain about being sick after wanting this for so long
Let me first go on by saying
I am not sick, like "oh I puked this morning..
oh I feel nauseous"
my ass if puking 40+ times a day
I want you to go puke 40 xs a day 
& not feel entitled to vent a little on the one place you can actually vent
in the pros of this, YES yall i know this means my  baby is growing I get that
but when you are throwing up chunks of acid, & dry-heaving
all the while trying to take care of a 10-month old, babysitting & running your business 
it gets hard
really hard
when i was sick & much more sick with kennedy I could just stay in bed; but i can't.

I don't know why, & trust me this past week I have begged & bawled to god & my husband
why does this have to be SO HARD for me. this one aspect of my life that I want so bad has to be hard, when it seems like every other woman/teenage can get pregnant & have this easy pregnancy but me..no.
I want to be able to get pregnant & be happy & excited. instead of being scared & having to worry 24/7.

But...I learned that i was getting no where with that whoa-is-me sob story about myself, & brandon reminded me how much more grateful it makes us & so thankful.

He is right.. but dang it I just want to complain for a second.
Excuse me while i go barf.

{more pleasant post coming}