Thursday, May 3, 2012

well...shes here!

I hate that I wait so long after to write this like kennedys 
But to be honest I havent had to time to sit down with out a toddler on my lap or a newborn nursing since we came home 2 weeks ago!

Here we go this is long, & probably graphic for some, so if you are quesey about birth ish this isn't for you :)

So started off about 20+ days prior to having Kensley I was in L&D at least once a week if not more with full blown labor.
I was pumped, injected & poped a million pills to stop this gal from coming. Since they changed my due date to May 20th; she was no where close to being ready to come in the world.

By the week that I had her, I was SO exhausted. At that point I had been in labor 3 times the week before.

April 18th I started off the day with contractions as always about 15 minutes apart, they started speeding up & the next thing I knew they were pretty strong & a min apart; they were in my back & as the day before were being to stall out so I knew like big sister she was sunny side up. 

I called my OB & asked what our next plan was. We had talked about just letting her come since I was physically exhausted from the weeks prior & had Brandon leaving work to be with at the hospital for days what seemed like every other day. & all the labor was putting alot of stress on baby. But he wanted to get at least 2 more weeks out of her; so he told me to take 2 procadia & 1 brethane. I littery broke down crying. I selfishly just wanted her to come, I wasn't over being pregnant, but I was ready to stop  being in labor every other day going thru the pain & not getting a baby at the end. Being away from Kennedy to be in the hospital for days at time & inconveincing everyone had just gotten to me. I went upstairs to settle down, so I didn't upset Kennedy & left her to play with my Mom in the playroom. 

6:10: As I go upstairs I use the restroom, stand up & feel a gush. Itty Bitty gush. I thought OH?? umm did i totally just pee on myself??!? & sat back down to have another gush & realized that I def hadn't! Grabbed a pad & ran downstairs yelling "MY WATER JUST BROKE" & went into "tara-over-dramatic-im-gonna-imagine-the-absolute-worse-thing-happening-ever" mode & started yelling I needed to get to the hospital cause I was gonna get a infection. Grant it that COULD happen, it was not going to happen in that short 5 mins from it happening to walking downstairs. But hey leave it to me :) I called Brandon & said "uhh my water broke" to which he replied "so should I come??" ha! He works a hour away! I grabbed Kensleys bag that had been packed for weeks, & Kennedy, my mom & I headed to hospital!

7:25: We got to the hospital since I live 45 seconds away it was no big deal. Do all the registration & the lady probably makes me walk the longest way possible to the L&D unit. Get into a bed & she checks to see if it was amonic fluid & the q-tip barely touches me & turns instantly black! "its defiently broke" the nurse said! & leaves. Comes back to check me & says my cervix is wayyyy far back & didn't know if the Dr would want her to bring it forward but it felt like I was 3cm. (Which is what I had been off on for over a week, I went from 3cm back to 1cm then back in a few days it was nuts.)

Let me just take one second to remind ya'll my plan was 100% natural birth. No meds ect. 

7:35ish: I have my first contraction ever with no water. With Kennedy they broke my water ast 9cm  & was pushing in mins. I look at my mom & say there is no way in heck I was doing this with out pain meds. Contractions are a WHOLE NEW ball game without your bag of water to soften the blow. I litterly was gripping the bed & moaning in SO much pain. Not to mention telling everyone to shut up & get away from me with every contraction. I remember in between one REALLY bad one I texted Jennifer & said "holy shit this hurts" hahaha After 15 mins of back to back contractions the nurse FINALLY comes back in & I beg her for shot of nubane to take the edge off. Which is when my OB comes in says I have 2 options,we still weren't in the clear & there was a chance after I had Kens she would be transferred to a hospital with a NICU & I would have to stay behind for at least 24 hours. or 2. go as a package & deliver elsewhere.  I couldn't risk not being with my baby so I was gonna be transferred. Since I had a 4 hours labor with Kennedy I couldn't get any pain meds cause they were pretty sure I would have her in the ambulance & she couldn't be born sleepy. Brandon Finally got there & I was in SO much pain. I was begging for some sort of relief. Brandon said "this is what you wanted you can do this. you can do this."

8:10: I was in a ambulance on my way to Dupont. My OB sent a L&D nurse with us still thinking I may deliver in the ambulance. Brandon had to sit upfront, so I only had the poor nurse to grab her hand in pain. I had transitioned in the ambulance waiting on a freakin train. Yeah a train. Not to mention this drive hit the road. its like he was trying to hit them haha & the guy in the back with me? was missing all but 4 teeth & kept rubbing my arm & my head. Poor man knew with in mins he shouldn't do that haha the contractions actually seemed to get shorter when we got on the highway; thank goodness.

8:30 we arrive at the hospital. I am sweating from the worse pain I have ever experienced & as we get in the hospital it is burning hot. Turns out the AC broke & it was freakin 85 degrees! YEAH, super fun. We get up to the delivery room where they try getting my IV 5 times & blow each vein, cause I WAS getting a epidural. Since the IV wasnt working I ask for a shot again, she checks me & I am 8cm on the verge of 9cm  so the shot was out.  I couldn't believe it.

At this point I am begging for a epi. They get the IV finally & run fluid straight thru & try to give me a epidural. THE DR DID IT WRONG & IT DIDN'T WORK. He asks if I want him to try it again, & the nurse said we didn't have time & "Honey you have already done it, your at the end now" 

The contractions were shorter but still I was in SO much pain, I felt everything. I actually felt her come down  after I got her to turn from  being on my side.

Minutes later I HAD to push. Not like oh I have a bit of a sensation to push. But I am gonna have this baby right now let me push her out feeling. I was saying ahem, yelling I had to push.

Brandon was such a great coach & told me I had to wait, I was doing great! I in the not so nicest way possible let him no that "I HAD TO PUSH"  The nurse checked me & I said I couldn't I had just a half a cm to go & I couldn't push or I would tear my cervix just as my new OB interrupted & checked me & said "5 min & this will be over" I remember Brandon & I looking at each other like WHOA, this is really happening (as if the excruciating pain wasnt enough) & next thing I knew the room was filled with a NICU team which included my high school best friend, a respiratory team, & more nurses shoving poor Jess (the photog) in the corner. 

9:19 The Dr ended up stretching my cervix the rest of way & told me to push! 2 pushes later she was out at 9:20! They put her on me, & although it was in my birth plan to instantly go to my chest, since she was early they wisked her away to get checked.

I started bawling as did Brandon & I kept yelling I wanted her. I just wanted to hold her. I don't know how people dont do the instant chest time, as I did with Kennedy. I felt awful & just wanted my baby NOW.
I needed to know she was ok.
& Finally I had her in my arms.

She was perfect.


I instantly started to breastfeed & sister latched like a champ!

She was finally here. 

Oh the months of crying with every negative, the frustrated nights of emotional breakdowns of "why us". The weeks of fertility meds & hormones & the 9 months of utter fear, sickness & hospital stays.
Our family was complete. Our second gift from GOD & absolute miracle in every sense of the word was here.
I held her & sobbed told her how I waited my whole life for her.

We got another child. We gave our daughter a sibling.
Something we were told would not happen.

Miracles happen ya'll.
One is sleeping upstairs, & the other is nursing in my lap.
& I just don't know what I did to be so blessed.
All photos by the awesome Jess @ J3designz


  1. Congrats!!! I've been waiting to see a post from you...wondering how things were going! Thanks for sharing the birth story of your second beautiful daughter :)

  2. Oh my goodness. I feel really choked up after reading that. Especially that last bit about your two miracles. Congratulations to you all. X

  3. Oh, Tara! After all of your struggles and worries I couldn't be happier that you welcomed another healthy, beautiful baby girl! What a dramatic entry she had into the world, the weeks of "teasing" all seem worth it now - don't they!? You described transition perfectly, I still remember it like it was yesterday!! I couldn't imagine giving birth in a hospital with no A/C. I delivered at the end of January on a REALLY cold -25C day and I was STILL boiling hot, especially during transition! Congrats to you and your beautiful family, I've really enjoyed seeing all your IG pics!

  4. Congrats on your new sweetie! She's beautiful. I love how raw your photos are, thanks for sharing. You make me miss breastfeeding.


shucks, thanks the comment!
i looove hearing from you!
-tara :)


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